| (no subject) |
[Jul. 16th, 2005|05:00 am] |
m i cursed? i miss the time when i m still toking wif many of the frenz i once knew... but drifted apart coz of me... m i destined to be alone?
Music fills my mind
Emptiness fills my heart
Happy i may seem
But sadness deep within
Smiles i try displaying
Tears i try hiding
What you see now
Isn't what it seems
Surface you now see
Come in, you willing?
Beyond all that's displayed
Into the real within |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 29th, 2005|08:12 pm] |
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well... adding onto my previous post... well i wun rush into a relationship... i know i m tired of being alone... but i rather be alone then to get into something tt would hurt both me and him... i rather have no one then to have someone wif me yet suffering... i wun... i rather go thru everything alone then to give agony to someone else... |
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| long long ago |
[Mar. 27th, 2005|10:32 pm] |
i m pissed... i typed a long entry... then my computer said the page cannot be displauyed after i click post... have to retype evrything... my comp is gettin on my nerves... and dancing on it...
after soooo long... i finally posted here... i forgotten abt this site... thanks to al... i finally got to use this faithful agent... it was here when i was transiting from the upsaid period to th blogspot period and now... faithfully waiting for me to update it once in a long while...
i dunno... something is botherin me inside... i m being eaten up from inside by an unknown feeling... yet... familiar...
i m envious of pple's attachemnt... yet i m numb to the feelin of envy... i m afraid of loneliness... yet i m used to it... talk abt low self esteem... i feel so... unwanted... feel so... deserted... esp. after Liang's stuff... i feel cursed... jinx... sucky...
i dun deserve anything do i? |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 21st, 2004|12:51 pm] |
how long ago was it tt i touched this blo... i have an official blog tt i use now... but once in a while coming here for somethings more private? i dunno... but at leat i know who is reading this...
feel so tired abt so many things... my class...my life... everything is screwing up... i m trying hard but i dunno why do i not seem to be successful... i suck... i do... sigh...wadeva... it is not important anymore... i screw up the past 19 plus years of my life i guess it is too late to make much changes... i hate my life..
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 18th, 2004|02:56 pm] |
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dropping by with nothing to say...actually testing frenster's RSS feature... |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 10th, 2004|02:27 am] |
UPdating... sigh in major depression... and i dunno wad to write...sigh..sometimes i do feel useless...and those who r reading this and still dunno i got another blog:
http://thehermit85.blogspot.com
go check it out... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 16th, 2004|12:22 am] |
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it has been a long time since i typed in here... well wif the other so active...it is seldom...feelin depressed again... and juz feel like typing in here... sigh... i need more frenz... my frenz list seem to be so short...sigh sigh... i m so useless...better off dead... how abt finishing all my sleepin pills... but 8 dun kill rite? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 9th, 2004|10:23 pm] |
i knew it... pple think my journel sucks... i knew it... it sucks... always did always will...coz i suck...
and alif: naughty naughty... heeheehee...
my world: hmmmm... really??? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 18th, 2004|01:47 am] |
scary but true... once met a guy in toilet (those were the 'innocent' days while i was in sec 2 or 3 when he blew me... tt guy turn out to be my history teacher... actually a teacher from NIE training as a history teacher and he taught our class... Mr A**m...
| 5olitude's LJ stalker is sam86! | | sam86 is stalking you because they think you are rich and they want your blingbling. They are also slowly poisoning you! |
LJ Stalker FinderFrom Go-Quiz.comhow could u??? well... i m seriously not rich but u r welcoe to poison me... juz do it faster... dun drag too long... oh ya... wad is blingbling anyway? | 5olitude's LJ stalker is offline84! | | offline84 is stalking you because they saw your picture and fell in love.. They are also getting jiggy with your best friend! |
LJ Stalker FinderFrom Go-Quiz.comu fell in love wif me??? | 5olitude's LJ stalker is my_w0rld! | | my_w0rld is stalking you because your LiveJournal is just SO damned interesting. They are also getting with your significant other! |
LJ Stalker FinderFrom Go-Quiz.comif u think this is interesting... you should read the other one...... i tried it again and again and got diff result...very fun... u should try it to... it made me smile...for a while... now...sigh... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 9th, 2004|09:11 pm] |
| 5olitude's LJ stalker is aliferiel! | | aliferiel is stalking you because you said something bad about them on your LJ. They are also eating your food when you aren't looking! |
LJ Stalker FinderFrom Go-Quiz.comwad did i do to u??? hmmm... well... at least i know where my food went... evil... haha... how have u been? been to JB from 4-6 june while aaron went somewhere firther from 4-7 june... KL rite? hehe... i had fun and i hope aaron u did too... contact me when u see this... "p |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 1st, 2004|12:34 am] |
boo... haha...juz babbling here... heehee...so how many of u had checked out my new blog??? if u have not... please do... coz i m a attention seeker... hahaha
jukebox[celest chong free] |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 26th, 2004|01:09 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pleased | ] |
new blog add:
http://thehermit85.blogspot.com
a test to see if pple read my blog... if u r reading this...pls update ur links to my new blog...and if possible tag on my board or leave a comment...
i will keep this running wif occasional posting and stuff... but wad appears here should appear there... i still wanna keep my livejournel...coz i find lj cool... juz tt i need a blog wif more freedom in templates...
so see u at the new blog...
jukebox[ah sang ye zi] |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 25th, 2004|03:57 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
Trying to blog but my comp is giving me prob again... guess it is time... new comp... may have to bring forward my to get list... which means i need alot of money...
Today is an interesting day... finally cool down... but tt's beside the point...
went for the modellin interview today... the gal there told me tt i have the conditions to be chosen and tt my eyes are attractive...then this thought arise in my mind... how many pple did she tell this to? then she got to her main pt: SGD300... she wanna collect money to give me a simple makeover and make me a portfolio... after which she will start to 'sell' me... only after tt 300 is paid then i can get a chance... sigh... if i can give ya money...chances are i no need to look for u for a job rite? but i understand... coz all this things need money... met a cute guy there also... the rest are above avg tt kind...but got one i find real cute and also a little aj... hmmm...
My jie Ally was wif me the whole day and we laughed at many things...had fun wif her today... after the modellin stuff, she came my place to get the KTV coupons... met my 2 grams... and they thought she was my stead...little did my grams know tt i m aj!!! haha... wait till her stead hears abt tt... gee... then went for ktv wif her and the gand... had alot of fun singing and imitating Fei Yu Qing... today quite fun...
Juz cannot get over Mariah Carey's Hero... sang it 2 times in KTV... also got a little yaya over Reflections by Christina... now this two songs on loop on my player... keep listeing to this 2 songs... feel like the song 'reflection' sigh...
Reflection Christina Auilera
Look at me
You may think you see who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day
It's as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now
In a world where I have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world what's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection
Someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
There's a heart that must be free to fly
That burns with a need to know the reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think, how we feel?
Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide?
I won't pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
Hero Mariah Carey
There's a hero if you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid of what you are
There's an answer if you reach into your sould
And the sorrow that you know will melt away
[Chorus]
And then a hero comes along with the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside and you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth that a hero lies in you
It's a long road when you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
You can find love if you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt will disappear
[Repeat Chorus]
Lord knows dreams are hard to follow
But don't let anyone tear them away
Hold on there will be tomorrow
In time you'll find the way
[Reapeat Chorus]
time to change new song...
jukebox[ah sang ye zi] |
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| Me~ |
[May. 24th, 2004|01:48 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | hopeful | ] |
Was reading some blogs and pple express a common curiousity to what my name is...since i m at this...might as well make full use of it rite?
Name: Timothy (tt's all u need to know)
Age: 18 years young (old...sensitive word)
Stay: Near East Coast
Hobbies: Hang out with frenz, cycle, KTV, movies, shopping, chatting...
Hates: Backstabbers and pple who betrays my trust...
Reason for Blog Title: Deliver Me is a song by Sarah Brightman (i guess u know...but wadeva) This song describes my feelings and i really like it...
Deliver Me
Deliver me, out of my sadness.
Deliver me, from all of the madness.
Deliver me, courage to guide me.
Deliver me, strength from inside me.
All of my life I've been in hiding.
Wishing there was someone just like you.
Now that you're here, now that I've found you,
I know that you're the one to pull me through.
Deliver me, loving and caring.
Deliver me, giving and sharing.
Deliver me, the cross that I'm bearing.
All of my life I was in hiding.
Wishing there was someone just like you.
Now that you're here, now that I've found you,
I know that you're the one to pull me through.
Deliver me,
Deliver me,
Oh deliver me.
All of my life I was in hiding.
Wishing there was someone just like you.
Now that you're here, now that I've found you,
I know that you're the one to pull me through.
Deliver me,
Oh deliver me.
Won't you deliver me.
so... is it enough info? wad else u wanna know... u ask i type ok?
now listening to Mariah's Hero... many times around but still like it
"There's a hero if you look inside your heart.
You don't have to be afraid of what you are.
There's an answer if you reach into your soul
and the sorrow that you know will melt away."
jukebox[mariah carey hero] |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 24th, 2004|01:03 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | hopeful | ] |
Well... juz found out something... i forgotten to backup my English song collection... gone... all of them... gone...
i did not sleep last nite... juz could not sleep... spend the time thinking instead... (since cannot sleep might as well make use of it) some things i thought thru:
To Get List By June 2005
Laptop
Wireless Modem
Personalise Name Card
Video Cam (can take pictures as well rite?)
To Do List By End 2004
Do well for Poly
Save up SGD1500 in my POSB bank account
Register my own drama company
Expand my social circle and frenz list
i forgot some of it liao... coz juz think and think... but did not write...
suppose to go out wif my fren today... but last min cancel... "due to some unforeseen stuff cropping up" so forget it... i spent the time rotting at home and think somemore... mood got better...then worsen...then better again... special thanks to the pple who read my journel and even more to those who had encourage me...
tmr going for some modellin audtion...was spotted when i was in chinatown mrt on 21st... surprise tt i got such experience myself... hopefully i can get a case or two so can earn some money... wish me luck...
jukebox[mariah carey hero] |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 23rd, 2004|01:19 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
ok... wad is gonna happen is call babble... m gonna trash out all the emotion... pardon me... and dun attack me...
was on bus juz now and i was thinking... out at the chi tea outing and i did not interact much... i mean... i wanna get to know them...i wanna chat... i wanna lame... i wanna be part of the grp but i juz cannot open up myself in front of them... wad is wrong wif me? i wanna be invlove but end up askin wrong question, saying wrong things or wadeva... or being juz too quiet... i thought i m already open then now seeing how i reacted in the outing, how i interact... why m i not as open as most of them? they talk freely, they interact freely, they know how to click... i gave myself many excuses... is it becoz i had a long day... is it becoz i dun post at the forum much which is why i feel distant? they seem to know each thers eons ago... and me juz join them... they call wach other by siblings... they bitch wif one another... they have fun (pun NOT intended) with one another and i feel... out... and i know it is not them... it is me... but wad is it abt me? m i really tt shy? i dun think so... low self esteem... i m workin on it... but i juz dun appeal to them i feel... but then again... they already formed their clique, they already r comfy... and here comes a stranger who is not really good at expressing himself... i see no reason why i would include him if i m in the click... maybe they feel the same way too... or maybe i m thinking too much... maybe bcoz i m thinkin too much tt caused all this things to happen ... so wad is my problem? m i worrying too much? maybe... m i expecting too much? no... i juz wanna be part of them to be able to laugh wif them and to joke wif them... thining back... i dun really have much frenz in the circle... maybe the 'i-know-your-name-and-face" kinda fren but very little if not none who had gone deeper... who will be patient enough to venture deep and be a close fren... i wan to have a kor like most of them... whom i can bitch wif and share wif... i wanna have a di like most of them...to bitch wif and to pamper... i wanna have a bunch of funny frenz to have fun wif and to share... but i juz dun seem to be able to get them... sometimes juz wish i would juz fade off the world... u know... die while sleeping...coz i seriously think there would be no difference if i m not ard... i mean pple will feel sad and stuff... but well i m not important... not much diff... i wanna make impact... i wanna share life... who is willing? upclose and personal... one to one... i m tired... i wan support... i wan close relationship... i wan frenship... i wan pple to know me beyond the surface... i long for interaction...
ok... enough of emotional babbling... today was quite cool coz i met the chi tea thread pple... FINALLY got to see who Linus was(one fine lookin young man i tell ya)...appealing in both looks and character... he is a nice chap...then was Eric... very very knowledgeble...coz he knows all the online dj stuff... which sounds like greek to me...(and i dunno greek... duh...)also very frenly... and then Danny... a frenly guy... nice chap... fun loving type of guy who is also approachable... A fellow lasallian... he is one nice comapny to me then... of coz met other guys...but did not really interact...then the clock strick 11.30...and i went home...after a long day starting from 9plus (the previous day ended at 5am btw... 2 1.5hrs long teaching, 1 1hr long meeting followed by 2hrs plus of service... hang out wif the pple... went for the thread outing... back hm slackin and blogging... long day... but guess wad... i not tired...hahaha...
jukebox[mavis hee tie chuang] |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 22nd, 2004|01:57 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  naughty | ] |
I did something that i have never done b4... i went to a spa... blue heaven (i think)... my fren brought me there...and wow... really...ummm... interesting... the pple there and stuff... quite an eye opener for me... esp the openess... kinda awkard yet fun...feeling of being free... dunno how to say lah... maybe wanna drop by there again... juz have to be careful a little... was touched on my arms 3 times by 3 diff pple... 5 dollars coz they say early bird... dunno wad it is...but it is fun lor... haha... wad we did there is another story... dun wanna share... go think...
before that... went to SP to get my enrolement done... instruction not clear so end up a lot of pple need to photocopy stuff... so actually can finish quite fast but at the end due to the lunch break of the photocopy auntie... many pple waited for her arrival and long long queue to get things printed then a lot of pple enrole at the same time so took quite some time... thank God (really) i was fast... so manage to get in the front few pple to get things done... got my student card liao... cool lor...
Today also announce new structure for CG... dun wanna comment abt it... as i expected... i m going to SP anyway...so does not matter...
Trying to get Jim... but juz can't call thru... if u reading this...drop me a msg ok?
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